Technological Ice-Age Thawed

I recently leaped into the 1990s and purchased an X-Box 360. I haven't really been playing many video games for the past ten years or so, though I did purchase a used PS2 a few years back. Though I rarely played it, the incentive behind the purchase was clear: Grand Theft Auto III. Something about that game appealed to a primal instinct of sorts deep within me. I never got too far in it, but I enjoyed driving around killing people. Even that, sadly, got old after awhile.
Why, then, did I purchase an Xbox 360? Well, to tell you the truth, it was to network video files to my new television. But, being able to play video games is a real plus. The new Grand Theft Auto is so immense, however, that it's basically impossible for a novice like me to accomplish anything. If you care to fight me online, send me an Xbox message. I don't really know how to work it too well, though, so it may take me awhile to reply.

Fuck Joseph Conrad

Last weekend, I read "Heart of Darkness." Yeah, that's right, I put it in quotation marks because I categorize that as a short story, not a novel. In fact, I categorize it as a fucking piece of shit short story, lumped upon a pile of turdlings with some poo-cream whipped up on the top of it. That book fucking sucked.
It started out decent enough, with a dude named Marlow telling a story about his life. I mean, for the most part, his life was boring as shit, actually. If I lived a life as boring as his, I certainly wouldn't write a book about it. Technically, within the book, Marlow was telling his story to a group of captive audience members, but still. I wouldn't do that, either.
The only thing this dude did was sat on a boat, got shot at by natives, and talked to some asshole named Kurtz. And boy oh boy, let me tell you about Kurtz. Everybody throughout the book was like, "Ohhh, Kurtz is soooo fucking wonderful!" They basically kissed his ass nonstop, even going so far as to spread his wonderfulness when he wasn't even around. After all the buildup, I have to admit even I got wrapped up in the whole Kurtz phenom. I couldn't wait to meet the guy!
Then, when we finally get to see him, BAM! The dude is a total fucking loser. A real douche. The kind of dick that says he "doesn't want any of your nachos" when you're standing at the counter, but once you hit the table, he's all over them. Fuck Kurtz. And yeah, yeah, I guess I "get it." Kurtz is supposed to be a piece of shit, right? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. On the plus side, I finished it in just under two days. Which, I believe, is twice as long at that dirty bastard took to write it.

Time for a New Post

It's time for a new post. Here it is! Hope you enjoy it. Lots of people, who were given advance editions of this post, have replied very favorably to favorable-review seeking queries. It was great! they all bellowed. Some even threw roses at the feet of passersby, in the hopes of luring them into a cavern of sin.
Despite the fact that no clear thread, no glimpse of a symbolic theme of any kind, was noticed throughout the posting, it was agreed upon by all that this posting was indeed the pinnacle of its type.
All those in favor? Support your local dignitaries.
Once again, no picture. The protest continues...

All This Bullshit

When you really think about it, all this bullshit is pretty fucked up. Some people try to tip-toe around the bullshit, but I feel it really needs to be thrown out there into the open. Why hide behind a slice of humble turd, when you can fling that fucker to the ground and kick it on someone else?
Bullshit might be a fact of life for some people, but I, myself, have never stood for it. Sure, everyone has to put up with it. Even me! But the thing is, I never stood for it! Yeah, that's right! I look bullshit right in the eye, and say, "Fuck off, BS! And by the way, I'm calling you 'BS' to save time; not because there's any sort of affection between us in any way whatsoever at all period."
If you feel like putting up with bullshit for the rest of your life, join the club. But I'll tell you this: the club ain't cheap, but it sure does look it. If, on the other hand, you're interested in kicking it raw, keeping it real, and just downright fucking country dickin' up in 'em, then do something else. It's all pretty much the same.
PS - No picture was available at press time.

Angelo's

Last Fall, I watched a britcom from the BBC (where most of them are from) called Angelo's. I enjoyed it, but the problem is, I never got to see the final episode. At this point, it seems unlikely that I ever will. If anyone has ever seen that finale, please let me know what happened. Please note, although I am interested in the fate of Angelo (and Angelo's (and "Angelo's")), I am more curious as to the ultimate fate of that fucked up dude that dressed like C3-PO. That was some wacky shit!

Long Live the King!

I'm well prepared to eat crow, but every sentiment regarded within the following entry is diametrically opposed to the previous entry's viewpoint. I have to say, the shittiest DC title on the stands is the best DC title on the stands. I'm referring, of course, to "DC Countdown to Final Crisis Town," or something like that. It's the weekly DC series that replaced "52," when that particular title mysteriously ended about a year ago. While 52 was a boring, turd-steamed piece of shitpie, Countdown is based pretty much entirely (at this point, anyway) around Jack Kirby's mid-1970's series for DC. The two primary titles are Kamandi, the Last Boy on Earth and OMAC (the One Man Army Corps).
I have a particular soft spot for these two titles. I would hasten to add, as a matter of fact, that Kamandi was Kirby's finest hour. There, I said it! DC told him to basically 'cash-in' on the then-current "Planet of the Apes" fad (a fad I am always in full support of reviving), and he came up with this twisted tale. It's basically a Tarzan-like kid living in an animal ruled, barbaric state. The latest issue of Countdown has what seems to be the pre-KAMANDI origin of Kamandi. Now, normally I don't like when they fuck with Kirby shit (see below), but this is pretty cool. There is nothing which goes entirely against the overall mood and tone of the originals; it's just a neat backstory. And the inner-nerd in me (as opposed to the outer-one) is going bakabalooey.
Another crazy twist... the lead of OMAC (the original series) turns out to be Kamandi's grandfather! Wowey wooey!! It's the best superhero comic series going today, and it comes out every week.

Funnybook Regicide

I hate to be one of those people that gets all fired up over the events in a comic book, but lately, I just can't seem to help myself. Being a big admirer of Kirby's works, I often find myself going back and looking over different issues or series. Recently, I decided to re-read the "New Gods" saga in its entirety, courtesy of the recently published "Fourth World Omnibus" collections from DC.
Although I'm really enjoying the original issues (even moreso than when I first read them years ago), I can't help but feel very uneasy as I go through the collections. The reason I'm reading them in the first place (well, technically 'second place), is connected to another new DC release, Jim Starlin's "Death of the New Gods."
I have never been a big fan of Starlin's works, but I don't really hate them, either. I guess I'm pretty much stuck in the middle. In fact, I think I actually wrote a blog entry about this series before, but I don't feel like checking. The point is, I am reading this series solely because it's about the New Gods, and more specifically, the death of them. Which is what makes rereading the original all that depressing.
I grew up in the 1980s, and it seems like that entire decade was centered around replacing time-honored characters with darker, more "serious" renditions. The word of choice was Gritty. Well, this must be the 1980's version of the New Gods, because it involves lots of death, deceit, and dastardly doings. It's basically Watchmen done with the Fourth World characters, but a whole lot stupider.
Certain characters go nuts and kill each other; other time-honored characters have been brutally murdered; ones who seemed to be genuine, 'good' characters are revealed to be insidious, evil beings. One guy, Mister Miracle, was transformed from an escape artist into some evil, obsidian, horrendous being of pure energy and revenge. The original was based on Joe Steranko; I wonder how he feels about this version.
I have to admit, it taints my reading of the originals. These are all funnybooks, and it's just silly when you get right down to it, but as I read through I can't help but feel strange with their 'modern memories' lurking behind my eyes.