Moby Dick Rules!

For some strange reason, someone gave me a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble as a present on the anniversary of Christ the Savior's birth. I guess they just had a hard time moving on. Anyway, I wasn't going to decline it, so I went out to the book store to buy up some shit.
First of all, Barnes and Noble pretty much sucks ass. We don't have one around here, so I went to the one near Philadelphia since I was driving by one day. I had a hard time finding anything to buy in that shithole, so I finally decided on Moby Dick by Herman Melville. I wonder if the expression "Moby Dick" was funny when that book first came out in 1851. It's sure funny now.
As for the book itself, that Ishmael is a real pisser. The dude is a total loser who goes out to sea when he hits rock bottom, and had to settle for the shittiest inn in New Bedford. There is a fucking hilarious exchange between Ishmael and the landlord, who wants Ish to share a bed with some strange man named "The Harpooner."
Ishmael understandably is concerned at this, but he goes nuts, neurotically fixating on the inevitable meeting. Finally the Harpooner arrives, but only after a few chapters of obsessive behavior that would have a first year psychiatry student tossing out his pipe.
I can't wait to finish this fucking book. I'm almost a hundred pages deep, and the sad fucker hasn't even hit the water yet. I can only imagine how crazy this shit is going to get.
Moby Dick Rules!