DJ Sloofus's Baaadaaaassssss Blog!

Jeff Lemire's THE NOBODY

2009-08-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

Let's hope Jeff Lemire doesn't sink into the same cesspool that David Lapham is apparently wallowing in. Both are writer/artists, both come from true indie publishing backgrounds, and both worked primarily in black and white. And both, sadly, made the jump to DC's Vertigo line.

To say that Lapham's post-Stray Bullets (his indie title) work has been a letdown would be like saying the Hindenburg was a letdown. Let's face it: his major publisher work has been terrible. This is Lemire's first work for Vertigo, and instead of a monthly series, he's started off with a standalone graphic novel. The NOBODY is pretty much a modern day retelling of the H.G. Wells classic, "The Invisible Man." Certain changes from the original have been made, such as the setting now being a small rural town in the midwest, the main character (Griffen) is nowhere near as big of a dick as he was in the novel, and (spoiler alert!) it ends differently. At least, I think it does. I read the Wells' original quite a few years ago, now.

Thankfully, all in all, this is a pretty good book. Lemire's previous works, the Essex Country books and Lost Dogs, have all been a bit melancholic and slow-paced, to say the least. Not to say that they weren't good; I'm a big fan of his indie stuff, and this new title is at least as good, if not waaaaay better. It's much more fast-paced, and has somewhat of a 'big budget' vibe to it. Which is not to detract from the quality of the work itself; none of these changes come at the expense of his talents.

Lemire's next series for DC is coming out soon. In fact, it may already be out. It's about some kid with antlers or some shit like that. So far, he's batting a thousand, so I have high hopes for the new book (whose name escapes me). Unfortunately, I didn't order it because I figured I'd just wait for the trades. Most people probably feel the same way, and the book might die a slow death on the vine. Let's hope not.

Wednesday Comics!

2009-08-05T20:54:00.000-07:00

Alright, I just got my stack of comics on Monday, and they were all books released during July. Therefore, I've only read the first two issues of DC's new anthology, Wednesday Comics. Think of it this way: you're living in my future, if you've read the title consistently, week by week. Fear not; I'll get there soon, time soldier!

Getting back to point, Wednesday Comics is a great title. As many individuals on my "trust list" will verify, I am a long-time fan of old school newspaper comics. The giant, oversized (by today's standards), colorful "broadsheets" are wonderful works of art of a bygone era. This latest DC project really does manage to bring back some of that vibe, at least as anyone who's still alive today can verify.

The opening, cover-title character (and it really does hit you, how large this sheet is. A true wonder to behold), of course, is Batman. And the team of Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso are a great combo for the front cover, incidentally. They manage to get the two essential elements of a vintage strip: a consistent, bewildering art style, and a compelling, tension-building plot. They manage to knock it out of the park from the very first chapter.

Dave Gibbons is usually a bit of a dullard in my book. Sure, he was good on Watchmen, and his style, though not to my tastes, does have its merits. Overall, I just don't care for his stuff. Especially not if, as in this case, he's not the artist... but the writer.

Ye Gods, throw in the mix that it's Kamandi, which probably stands as one of my all-time favorite Kirby creations. But somehow, despite all of this, he manages to pull it off. Gibbons, along with stellar artist (nay, 'illustrator') Ryan Sook, stands as a convincing Hal Foster/"Prince Valiant" homage.

Sadly, some others fail to reach such heights. In fact, it seems like many aren't even trying. The shitty Green Lantern story seems like it's just "page 1" of any GL comic, and the Wonder Woman image was such a clusterfuck that I couldn't even tell what the Hell was going on.

Lots of other drek was contained, but there were also several more gems. The Kyle Baker Hawkman tail (heh) is psychotic, and much darker than anything he's done in recent years. I guess "Nat Turner" was pretty bleak, but wasn't it inspiring, too? I never got to the end of it. Nevertheless, even his artwork here is much different. He's doing a more realistic style, and seems to be relying less on computers. Or, knowing Baker, he just figured out how to do a 'more realistic style' on a computer. Either way is fine with me; everything Baker does is always top-notch.

On a more humorous note, the second installment of the Superman page was a real pisser. It was about, basically, Superman meeting Batman on a rooftop so he could vent a little. Maybe he was hoping Batman could console him in some way; who knows. Anyway, it ends with ol' Supes looking especially dejecting, flying away, whining out "waah, why would I ever think I could talk to you about my problems!" Or, legally speaking, something to that extent.

One area of high-concern for average citizens is the price. At four bucks a pop, that adds up to about $16 a month. Is that worth your almighty entertainment dollar? I would have to say, sadly, 'no.' Throw in the online discount available at several comic book distributers, and you can suddenly start talking turkey. It sure as sugar was worth about $8.43, tax-free! Viva la Newspaperancci!

Millar/Hitch on/off Fantastic Four

2009-08-04T20:39:00.000-07:00

I haven't been paying attention; has anyone made a stink about how terrible the Millar and Hitch "Fantastic Four" run was? Christ Almighty, the only thing I even remember from it is that I dreadfully wanted to forget reading it. When I received my month's fix of funnybooks yesterday, I couldn't help but notice (especially since I always double-check the box's contents against the invoice. You'd be surprised how often these so-called 'mistakes' occur. You really would), much to my surprise, that there was not one... but two issues of the Millar/Hitch FF. Even better, they were the two final issues of the "Doctor Doom" story, which had proved to be the best of their run. Overall, this series has been a string of boring, monotonous scenes of the characters in their private lives. Hey, I'm all for characterization, but this shit ain't Hamlet! Even he knew when to die.

Only, it really wasn't two new issues of the Millar/Hitch FF. Because the two creators didn't even bother to show up. For chapters three and four, Millar is merely credited as "story," with someone else doing script. At least he phoned it in; Hitch didn't even show up for the final issue, and barely contributed content to chapter three.

You know, when Marvel announced this 'historic' team working on this historic title, it was all secrecy and "whoop-dee-doo" fanfare once it was finally revealed. What a shitty thing to do. These creators could have at least honored their commitment to a twelve issue storyline. If you're announcing twelve issues, deliver twelve. Don't move on to other things.

It might sound ironic that I'm complaining about not getting more of something I hated, but allow me to explain. As bad as the comic has been, even multiplied by ten or twelve, would still not reek as rancidly as the trash they delivered in place of the aforementioned creative team.
Now, before anyone raises the old "can you do any better" flag, heed these words: No, I doubt I could make a better Fantastic Four comic. Of course I can't. But I'm not expecting anyone to pay me to do it, either.

IDW's Darwyn Cooke's Richard's Stark's PARKER

2009-08-03T20:31:00.001-07:00

Holy Shit. I just read this graphic novel, in one sitting, earlier this afternoon. I usually never use that fancy term, 'graphic novel,' but this case seems somewhat appropriate. In the hands of Cooke, this adaptation of a 60's crime novel transfers mediums seamlessly. The extended opening segment (and a good deal of interior content) is wordless, while other segments are what appear to be straight-up illustrations accompanying the original text. A third approach, naturally, comes in traditional comic format.

What an amazing work. I've never read the early 60's novel it was based on, but I'm thankful as fuck that IDW and Cooke will be furthering their adaptations of the series. Seriously; this was a great comic. I highly suggest you get a copy and read it. And the printing is beautiful.... don't rely on some shitty online scanned-in version. Get the real deal. Fans of grit, early-60's 'men-tality,' and the crime genre in general will all find something of merit within these covers.

Comic of the Year!

2009-02-16T04:20:00.000-08:00

Well, that title might still go to the last Acme volume, but a close runner up has got to be Weapon Brown: Blockhead's War #1. It's by Jason Yungbluth, and the Comic Book Haters dedicated an indie video spotlight episode to the previous issue, Weapon Brown.

The first issue introduced the basic concept: Charlie Brown and the gang re-envisioned as post-apocalyptic, Mad Max meets Terminator surface dwellers. It was bleak, it was sick, and it was fun. Although the characters were doing horrible, horrible things and committing horrible, horrible acts, it never felt like it was sacrilegious towards the original Schulz creations.

While the first Weapon Brown was a solid read, bordering on awesome, this latest offering goes above and beyond. It delves beyond the Peanuts pantheon, an introduces permutations of various other strip characters. Most predominately featured are the gang from Beetle Bailey, who do battle with Ol' Charlie from their uber-violet tank.

Peppered throughout are lots of other cameos, including an extremely disturbing depiction of Alley Oop. It's the "Top Ten" of newspaper strips, but oddly enough the majority of them are of mainstream characters from the last thirty years or so. Come to think of it, there are a lot of older characters represented (including a McKay, Segar, and the aforementioned Hamlin).

The best parts about it, though, are not the homages. The story itself is a solid, 1980's vibe, dark sci-fi story. But it's over the top. The closest thing I can compare it to is the early 1990's DC comic, "Lobo's Paramilitary Christmas Special." When that came out, it blew me away. Kieth Giffen really pushed the limits of a mainstream comic of the times, and Simon Bisley was the perfect madman to see it through. This comic has that same gut-punch feel to it; it really shocks you while instilling the urge to cheer.

It's awesome. Yungbluth is an incredible cartoonist, and he really knows how to work the medium. The characters are consistent, the pacing is impeccable, and the facial expressions are exactly what they should be. The fact that it's a dead-on satire as well is just awesome fucking icing on an awesome fucking cake. What a great comic!

PS Please, if you're just going to leave a comment saying "Fuck you Sloofus, how dare you actually enjoy a comic this much? You are an asshole!," just fuck yourself instead. Capice?

Marvel Zombies 3 4

2009-02-04T13:25:00.000-08:00

What the fuck is it with Marvel Zombies? What is it that makes it so goddamn compelling? Is it the fact that the concept is built around two iconic creations (or, at least 'interpretations'), both germinating in the 1960s? Could it be the raw power of Sean Phillips' artwork (on the previous series)? Or is it just the fact that seeing a Jack Kirby creation rip into the jugular of another and start feasting is just too fucking cool?

Whatever it is, it works. I really enjoyed the very first Marvel Zombies series, but by the most recent output I had become a little waned. Who can blame me; how much Marvel Zombie can one man take? When I found myself flipping through an issue of Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness, a title which doesn't even seem to make grammatical sense, I knew I was in too deep. I had to get out.

Enter DCBS and their damned 75% off sales. Certain titles are featured, usually a first issue. Marvel Zombies volume 3, written by Fred van Lente (of the excellent Comic Book Comics series) and some new penciller were taking over. I was prepared to hope it got me through at least one crap; anything more than that was icing on the shitcake.

Well, it turns out I loved it. What a great fucking series! I daresay, it may be the best of the lot. Nah... the first series is still the best, but this one was fucking great. Well worth checking into when it comes out in collected form, and I hear a fourth one is already solicited. Keep 'em coming! Until they get boring....

Vertigo Shmertigo

2009-01-27T04:06:00.000-08:00

I defy they nature, Gods, and speak unto thee: Has Vertigo ever published a great comic book? Not counting comics that were republished (or reprinted) under their banner, that is. For example, "Vertigo" republished Alan Moore's seminal run on Swamp Thing, both as individual issues and collections. Midway through Neil Gaiman's popularized Sandman series, the Vertigo label came into being.

As a branch of DC, it quickly became known as a spotlight for various British creators, most of whom emphasized surreal, metaphysical, and symbolic elements in lieu of plot, characterization, and enjoyability. Later on, it became known as a spotlight for American creators who tried to mimic that exact formula, without ever understanding it (or, without understanding that there's nothing to understand about it). Now, who knows what the fuck they are publishing. I have to admit that I have not read the majority of Vertigo's output, but I defy anyone to provide an example of a "Great" Vertigo comic. Just as a forewarning: I am already convinced that Transmetropolitan (which technically isn't even a Vertigo title), Preacher, Starman, Y the Last Man, and just about any other 'major' work is anything from detestable to enjoyable, but never 'Great.' I welcome your comments. Just send along an email.

Bukowski: Ding of the Creeps

2009-01-26T04:20:00.000-08:00

I recently obtained a large collection of audio recordings by Charles Bukowski. They're either "spoken word," "live poetry," or "really shitty a cappella" in nature; the exact categorization eludes me. I must say, going in, that I am a big fan of Charles Bukowski's prose. All of his novels were at least good, some were great, and they're all pretty much interchangeable. The man could say in ten words what took other writers twice as many chapters.

Having said that, I am certainly no fan of Bukowski's poems. As no slight to him, I should point out that I'm not a fan of anyone's poems. I feel about poetry the way Schooly G feels about comic books, and that's putting it lightly. So on these collections, there's some good stuff, and some dull stuff. Half of them seem like he's just a rank old (or, rather, young) drunk, rambling into a recorder as he tries to recount a story. Then, there are selections where he's obviously reading something he'd previously written. Most likely, of course, on a bar napkin or used handkerchief.

But, despite all of this, there's something great about these. They're charming, they have an underground class, and they are the blueprint for a future generation's consciousness. From that perspective, these things are great. You can find them on a torrent site somewhere.

Looking at Watching the Watchmen

2009-01-20T04:20:00.000-08:00

I recently picked up the WATCHMEN 'behind the scenes' compilation of Dave Gibbons' (and, to a lesser extent Alan Moore's) preliminary ideas, sketches, roughs, alternates, and promotional pieces. This isn't just a magazine; it's a $50, oversized hardcover. It contains just about every doodle Gibbons did for the series, and a lot of less-polished pieces, as well.

Throughout the novel, the phrase "Qui Epsidoes Epstedes?" is repeated. Well, that's probably not how it's spelled, but who really speaks Latin anymore, anyway? Regardless, another common Latin phrase pops to mind: Caveat Emptor. I'm pretty sure I got that one right, and I'm pretty sure it means "If you get screwed, it's your own damn fault." Take heed of those words before purchasing this compendium of redundancy, irrelevancy, and minutiae. Now, I certainly recognize the fact that Watchmen is a decent comic, and without a doubt it was an influential one as well. I'm on record several times, stating that it's not my favorite Moore work. Nonetheless, I can enjoy the comic on it's own merits. But what I can't enjoy, really, is this latest book.

In addition to most of the material being thubnails, breakdowns and very rough sketches, there's a smattering of text pieces by Gibbons. To tell the truth, I haven't even read all of them yet, because they're scattered, packed between endless pages of dullutry.

Don't let this book dissuade your enjoyment of Watchmen, the original graphic novel. It really is a good book, but this just seems to extraneous and unnecessary. From a historic viewpoint, and for graphic artists, it may hold more of an appeal. It's without a doubt a valid collection; just not one that really holds up well as a narrative read. Kind of like watching your date pluck her mole hairs that afternoon.

Creepy as Fuck!

2009-01-19T16:20:00.000-08:00

Dark Horse has recently begun reprinting the Warren horror mag, Creepy. Last night I began reading volume two, which contains issues 6 through 10. Many of these stories have been reprinted before, mostly in later issues of Creepy itself. At least, I think they have. They all tend to blend together after awhile.

Which, fortunately, is not meant to be taken as an insult. At least, not necessarily. I mean, they do blend together, but they're still all pretty cool. The same can pretty much be said for EC as well, from whom this publisher owed an inestimable debt. Not only from a torch-passing, traditionalist point of view, but from a literal one as well. Several of the artists who worked for Warren also drove the EC line to its infamous legacy. My favorite, Johnny Craig, was once again published alongside Reed Crandall, Wally Wood, and many other EC stalwarts.

The stories are a little more "modern" than the EC stuff, though there is still an abundance of standard vampire, werewolf and ghost fare. Still and all, it's way better than anything being published today. The stories aren't all home runs, but the artwork is great throughout.

All Hail Segar!

2009-01-16T16:05:00.000-08:00

Man oh manaholic, this is a fucking awesome book. This, the third volume of Fantagraphics' re-reprinting of the complete E.C. Segar Popeye, is a tome to worship at the altar of. They've wisely decided to forego the dozen or so years of "Thimble Theater" which preceded these strips, instead jumping straight to the Popeye years. Hopefully, after the remaining three years are reprinted, they'll go back and revisit the earlier material.

First and foremost, the craft itself is impeccable. Most of these 30's and 40's cartoonists (or cartoonist teams, when you count ghost creators) could seamlessly create entire worlds in which absolutely everything existed in their own flawless (and individual) style. Segar is no exception. Everything, from the throw rugs and lamp shades to the thugs' noses and beards, looks like it belongs in Popeye's world, and nowhere else. Throw on top of that a riveting storyline, and you've got funnybook (or funnystrip) gold. Gold!

Please note, by "riveting storyline," I'm not exactly talking about a Vonnegut narrative, but it's thrilling nonetheless. As an artifact of its literary time period, it ranks among the best. The scope and epic themes of the book blend the expansiveness of a Russian novel with the slapstick timing of a Marx Brothers routine. All in all, it's probably not something that would be appreciated by the novice comic enthusiast, but sooner or later, the genius cannot be avoided. All hail Segar!

The End of the Secret Invasion

2009-01-08T09:22:00.000-08:00

What is it about Brian Michael Bendis that is so compelling? Although I generally never trust anyone with three names, I am consistently suckered into buying his books. Usually it's about a fifty fifty shot at being halfway decent, but plenty of them have been true turds. It seems like the more he hypes his particular books (and believe me, he hypes the fuck out of his books) the more they suck. As if “House of M” wasn't blissfully stupid (and mundane) enough, along comes this stinky of a flusher.
Let's assume the basic jist of it all is familiar enough to everyone: the Skrulls have been secretly living amongst us, as several prominent individuals, unbenownst to all. You know; exactly like Battlestar Galactica. Except Battlestar Galactica took four seasons before it started suckimg; Secret Invasion claims that title in about three pages. And this, book eight of eight, was particularly abysmal. Nothing even happens; this is the aftermath. Bendis obviously worships at the altar of the 80's Marvel niche he's been mining for all these years, but he hasn't mastered this one simple concept: those comics were able to present an epilogue in one page. Sometimes, even, only one panel! Why should he offer up this final “chapter” for three or four bucks? What kind of bullshit is this, anyway? Write for the trade if you want to, but then just sell us the trade. Who's to expect an entire comic is just going to be people wiping the sweat off themselves and running around saying “Boy, glad that's over!” Total shit.

Daredevil 114

2009-01-07T13:30:00.000-08:00

“Lady Bullseye: Part 4”
Though “Secret Invasion” may suck ass, credit has to go to Brian Michael Bendis for his staggering run on Daredevil a few years back. It really was a reinvigorating experience, and it comes close to rivalling the Miller/Janson run of the early 1980's. When Ed Brubaker announced he was taking it over, who could be upset? Brubaker's taken several other titles to pretty steep peaks, and Daredevil seems like the Marvel title he was destined to inherit.
Thankfully, he has taken the baton and kept the pace. Actually, there have been a few dull spots along Brubaker's run, but for the most part it's been one of the best superhero comics going. This current storyline is another high point, featuring some bitch who is inspired by Bullseye, and is fucking up Matt Murdock's life. It seems like everyone is always trying to not only defeat Daredevil, but also must crush the man's entire life. No wonder he's going crazy all the time.
Anyway, superhero comic fans that aren't currently reading this title should give it a looksee. Anyone else (i.e., non-superhero fans) wouldn't exactly be thrilled. After all, it's a Daredevil comic book. But a good one!

IWC

2008-10-17T17:38:00.000-07:00

Man, oh man. Irvine Welsh, where hae ye gawne? I just finished reading his latest novel (about a week ago or so), and the sullen feeling of disappointment is still clinging to me. I sometimes shower four times a day, trying to rid myself of it.
If you don't know who Welsh is, well, he wrote the novel (and, I think, screenplay) "Trainspotting." If you don't know what that is, well, it's about junkies in Scotland. It was a great novel and a great movie, and kicked off a very successful run for Welsh. The next handful of books he put out were great; he really knocked them out of the park. About eight years ago or so, sadly, he started to slip.
This latest novel, "Crime," certainly isn't his worst. It is, though, his saddest. And not 'sad' as in emotional-response levels; just 'sad' like watching your uncle fall down the steps on Memorial Day.
Too sad to even continue writing about.

Batman Movie Review!

2008-08-24T18:37:00.000-07:00

I watched about four or five minutes of Batman Forever on TV today (I got a sweet new set). Two things struck me as being a little strange. First, why is "Two face" called 'two-face'? Technically, he doesn't even have one complete face. Let's face it; if he were a real person and he only had one of his alleged two "faces," he would probably be known around town as "half-face," not "full-face" or any derivative thereof. To claim that the man has two faces is just laughable.
Secondly, doesn't the stately Wayne Manor have a dryer? In the scene following the Two Face/Riddler introduction (to each other) that I caught, young Master Dick (what a strange title) does a whole French Debutante dance number with his laundry, much to the shock of an onlooking Alfred. The moves all revolve around him fastidiously lining his dripping garments upon a clothes line that runs across the laundry room in Bruce's swingin' bachelor mansion. It was a totally bizarre scene (in both film terms and colloquialisms) from the get-go. Not sure what they were going for, but it gives some creedence to Wertham's argument. Anyway, I can't believe he doesn't have a dryer. Get with the times, man.

A little well-earned R&R

2008-08-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

I'll be on vacation for the next week. If you need to contact me, please write to: Your Anus, c/o your taint.

The World of Steve Ditko

2008-08-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I finished reading the new biography of Steve Ditko, "Strange and Stranger." Now, needless to say, I am a huge fan of Steve Ditko. In fact, to a certain extent I like him much better than Jack Kirby. Ditko's seminal run on "The Amazing Spider-Man" ranks as one of my all-time favorite comic series. It was spot-on, and this book does a good job of painting some background information about the time period and the extent of Ditko's involvement.
Some folks have been criticizing this book; the same group that criticized the recent Evanier biography of Kirby. I've enjoyed both books, and the artwork reproductions have been wonderful. If I had one complaint about the Ditko book, it's that it could have used some more original repros, as opposed to primarily comic scans. Then again, maybe there were a lot; I can't really remember right now. I know that the Kirby one had a ton of rare shit, though.
Anyway, sure, this isn't as extensive as Harvey's recent bio of Milton Caniff, but it sure was a pleasure to read through. It's a shame that Ditko's obsession with Ayn Rand and Objectivism pretty much shattered his career. Then again, his style was so diametric to that prevalent during the 1980s, he probably wouldn't have lasted, anyway. Another interesting point that author Blake Bell drives home (at one point, even breaking the objectivist voice of an impartial narrator) of how much original artwork Ditko has, and the approximate value thereof.
All in all, a fine read.

War Heroes: MIA

2008-08-08T08:32:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm usually tickled pink with my service from DCBS (the Discount Comic Book Service, natch!). This month, however, I was only tickled a light shade of magenta. You see, when I received my monthly batch of funnybooks, one was missing. And it wasn't just a mere, lame old comic that was missing; it was one I was looking forward to for quite some time. Specifically, Mark Millar's "War Heroes" number one.
I buy pretty much everything Millar does. As far as mainstream superhero comics go, he's the best. Yeah, I said it; he's the best. The best currently churning out a half dozen titles per month, anyway. Naturally I was excited to see the beginning of his latest series. I was even more excited when I read that this series was based on Mark's rejected premise for "Ultimates 3." I can't imagine why the fuck Marvel would reject one of his storylines, especially for a series he pretty much started from scratch and shot to the top of the charts. Especially especially if they were going to replace it with something by that sentimental old hack, Jeph Loeb. But I digress.
The problem is, apparantly, that Diamond "shorted" orders on War Heroes #1, so I didn't get one. This really sucks, especially since I pre-ordered this damn book about seven months ago (alright, it was probably only three or four, but you get the picture). I'm reminded of that Jerry Seinfeld routine about taking reservations versus holding reservations. They took my reservation, but they sure as hell didn't hold it.
I'm guessing that DCBS is not really at fault here, and that Diamond fucked up. Who knows; maybe Image did. All I know is, I went to a few comic shops last month while I was on vacation in Boston, and I saw plenty of copies of War Heroes sitting around. I could have picked any of them up, but I put each one back on the shelf, knowing that my copy would be awaiting me at the end of the month. Guess I was wrong.
One more thing: Waaaaaahhh! Just thought I'd beat the name-callers to the punch. I realize how big of a baby I am being.

UPDATE: I got the comic in Philly last weekend. It sucked.

Book Reviewed!

2008-08-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

How long do you think you'll be able to read this particular blog entry? Let's face it; time is pretty cheap these days. Have you seen ninety percent of what passes as entertainment on the internet these days? If you actually have seen ninety percent, that's amazing. I mean, really; the internet is pretty much endless. It's like the universe and the solar system and all that space-shit combined. It never ends. Kind of like this blog entry.
If you're still reading this blog entry (heretofore mentioned as "BE-Blog Entry"), don't pat yourself on the back just yet. It's a boring entry, and the fact that you've made it this far is really nothing to congratulate yourself about. Especially since, though originally intended to be a never-ending, tedious, long-winded diatribe, this entry simply ends without

Death of Death Note

2008-07-09T10:45:00.000-07:00

I thought I would never do it, but I am almost finished watching Death Note. Yes, it's an anime. Yes, it's ridiculous. Yes, it kicks ass. This show really has nothing that would appeal to me in its separate parts, but throw them all together and it's compelling as hell. Basically, some Japanese kid gets the ability to kill people by writing their name in a notebook. There are 37 episodes in total, and I'm up to 33 or 34. To tell you the truth, there's really not much to say about it. It's compelling and enjoyable, but if I didn't make a solemn promise to update this blog a few times each week, I probably wouldn't even bother writing about it. Oh well; enjoy the picture.

Pulling Out!

2008-07-08T07:27:00.000-07:00

I recently finished watching the second season of the BBC (I think it's from the BBC; anyway, it's British) comedy, "Pulling." I don't think it's on in the states, though it may be on BBC America. It's a pretty simple concept, really: a woman gets "cold feet" and leaves her husband, pretty much at the altar, and the two of them try to adjust to this drastic event.
To look at it objectively, it's the same basic premise as Friends or Sex in the City, at least I assume it is. I've never actually seen an entire episode of either of those two shows, but what I have seen sucks ass. Pulling not only doesn't suck ass, it actually kicks it! It is one of the rawest shows on (or not on) TV, and the fact that it's primarily comprised of females makes it even more surprising. Nothing against the ladies, you know I love them, but they don't usually make me laugh. And that's no reason to stop trying, sweethearts. Anyway, the situations and interactions these three psycopaths (four, if you count Carl, the lead character's ex-fiance) are continually hysterical. Definitely worth checking out if you're a fan of the Office, Peep Show, or Ideal.

Futurama Returns Returns!

2008-07-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

Last week, the second full-length Futurama DVD movie came out. Being a huge fan of Futurama (much moreso than the Simpsons for the past several years), I naturally snatched it up. It seems like most people either love or hate Futurama, or love it but want to pretend they hate it. I know quite a few people like that. Well, like I said, I really enjoy the show, and eagerly awaited this film.
When Futurama returned from the grave with their first full-length a few seasons ago, it felt like a dream come true. That may be the single nerdiest thing I've ever said in my life, or it may be lightyears from the nerdiest thing I've ever said. I'd bet on the latter of the two. Anyway, it really got me psyched up, and it didn't let down. That first one, Bender's Big Score, started off on the slow side, but really picked up. By the end of the movie, my mind was blown.
Now, this movie wasn't as good as the previous one, but it still wasn't bad. Not enough Zoidberg for my tastes, but he still had some choice lines to parlay. That thing rocks!

Technological Ice-Age Thawed

2008-06-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

I recently leaped into the 1990s and purchased an X-Box 360. I haven't really been playing many video games for the past ten years or so, though I did purchase a used PS2 a few years back. Though I rarely played it, the incentive behind the purchase was clear: Grand Theft Auto III. Something about that game appealed to a primal instinct of sorts deep within me. I never got too far in it, but I enjoyed driving around killing people. Even that, sadly, got old after awhile.
Why, then, did I purchase an Xbox 360? Well, to tell you the truth, it was to network video files to my new television. But, being able to play video games is a real plus. The new Grand Theft Auto is so immense, however, that it's basically impossible for a novice like me to accomplish anything. If you care to fight me online, send me an Xbox message. I don't really know how to work it too well, though, so it may take me awhile to reply.

Fuck Joseph Conrad

2008-06-17T13:32:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I read "Heart of Darkness." Yeah, that's right, I put it in quotation marks because I categorize that as a short story, not a novel. In fact, I categorize it as a fucking piece of shit short story, lumped upon a pile of turdlings with some poo-cream whipped up on the top of it. That book fucking sucked.
It started out decent enough, with a dude named Marlow telling a story about his life. I mean, for the most part, his life was boring as shit, actually. If I lived a life as boring as his, I certainly wouldn't write a book about it. Technically, within the book, Marlow was telling his story to a group of captive audience members, but still. I wouldn't do that, either.
The only thing this dude did was sat on a boat, got shot at by natives, and talked to some asshole named Kurtz. And boy oh boy, let me tell you about Kurtz. Everybody throughout the book was like, "Ohhh, Kurtz is soooo fucking wonderful!" They basically kissed his ass nonstop, even going so far as to spread his wonderfulness when he wasn't even around. After all the buildup, I have to admit even I got wrapped up in the whole Kurtz phenom. I couldn't wait to meet the guy!
Then, when we finally get to see him, BAM! The dude is a total fucking loser. A real douche. The kind of dick that says he "doesn't want any of your nachos" when you're standing at the counter, but once you hit the table, he's all over them. Fuck Kurtz. And yeah, yeah, I guess I "get it." Kurtz is supposed to be a piece of shit, right? Maybe I'm reading too much into it. On the plus side, I finished it in just under two days. Which, I believe, is twice as long at that dirty bastard took to write it.

Time for a New Post

2008-05-08T18:29:00.000-07:00

It's time for a new post. Here it is! Hope you enjoy it. Lots of people, who were given advance editions of this post, have replied very favorably to favorable-review seeking queries. It was great! they all bellowed. Some even threw roses at the feet of passersby, in the hopes of luring them into a cavern of sin.
Despite the fact that no clear thread, no glimpse of a symbolic theme of any kind, was noticed throughout the posting, it was agreed upon by all that this posting was indeed the pinnacle of its type.
All those in favor? Support your local dignitaries.
Once again, no picture. The protest continues...

All This Bullshit

2008-05-01T18:27:00.000-07:00

When you really think about it, all this bullshit is pretty fucked up. Some people try to tip-toe around the bullshit, but I feel it really needs to be thrown out there into the open. Why hide behind a slice of humble turd, when you can fling that fucker to the ground and kick it on someone else?
Bullshit might be a fact of life for some people, but I, myself, have never stood for it. Sure, everyone has to put up with it. Even me! But the thing is, I never stood for it! Yeah, that's right! I look bullshit right in the eye, and say, "Fuck off, BS! And by the way, I'm calling you 'BS' to save time; not because there's any sort of affection between us in any way whatsoever at all period."
If you feel like putting up with bullshit for the rest of your life, join the club. But I'll tell you this: the club ain't cheap, but it sure does look it. If, on the other hand, you're interested in kicking it raw, keeping it real, and just downright fucking country dickin' up in 'em, then do something else. It's all pretty much the same.
PS - No picture was available at press time.

Angelo's

2008-04-07T18:05:00.001-07:00

Last Fall, I watched a britcom from the BBC (where most of them are from) called Angelo's. I enjoyed it, but the problem is, I never got to see the final episode. At this point, it seems unlikely that I ever will. If anyone has ever seen that finale, please let me know what happened. Please note, although I am interested in the fate of Angelo (and Angelo's (and "Angelo's")), I am more curious as to the ultimate fate of that fucked up dude that dressed like C3-PO. That was some wacky shit!

Long Live the King!

2008-03-28T14:17:00.001-07:00

I'm well prepared to eat crow, but every sentiment regarded within the following entry is diametrically opposed to the previous entry's viewpoint. I have to say, the shittiest DC title on the stands is the best DC title on the stands. I'm referring, of course, to "DC Countdown to Final Crisis Town," or something like that. It's the weekly DC series that replaced "52," when that particular title mysteriously ended about a year ago. While 52 was a boring, turd-steamed piece of shitpie, Countdown is based pretty much entirely (at this point, anyway) around Jack Kirby's mid-1970's series for DC. The two primary titles are Kamandi, the Last Boy on Earth and OMAC (the One Man Army Corps).
I have a particular soft spot for these two titles. I would hasten to add, as a matter of fact, that Kamandi was Kirby's finest hour. There, I said it! DC told him to basically 'cash-in' on the then-current "Planet of the Apes" fad (a fad I am always in full support of reviving), and he came up with this twisted tale. It's basically a Tarzan-like kid living in an animal ruled, barbaric state. The latest issue of Countdown has what seems to be the pre-KAMANDI origin of Kamandi. Now, normally I don't like when they fuck with Kirby shit (see below), but this is pretty cool. There is nothing which goes entirely against the overall mood and tone of the originals; it's just a neat backstory. And the inner-nerd in me (as opposed to the outer-one) is going bakabalooey.
Another crazy twist... the lead of OMAC (the original series) turns out to be Kamandi's grandfather! Wowey wooey!! It's the best superhero comic series going today, and it comes out every week.

Funnybook Regicide

2008-03-24T04:34:00.000-07:00

I hate to be one of those people that gets all fired up over the events in a comic book, but lately, I just can't seem to help myself. Being a big admirer of Kirby's works, I often find myself going back and looking over different issues or series. Recently, I decided to re-read the "New Gods" saga in its entirety, courtesy of the recently published "Fourth World Omnibus" collections from DC.
Although I'm really enjoying the original issues (even moreso than when I first read them years ago), I can't help but feel very uneasy as I go through the collections. The reason I'm reading them in the first place (well, technically 'second place), is connected to another new DC release, Jim Starlin's "Death of the New Gods."
I have never been a big fan of Starlin's works, but I don't really hate them, either. I guess I'm pretty much stuck in the middle. In fact, I think I actually wrote a blog entry about this series before, but I don't feel like checking. The point is, I am reading this series solely because it's about the New Gods, and more specifically, the death of them. Which is what makes rereading the original all that depressing.
I grew up in the 1980s, and it seems like that entire decade was centered around replacing time-honored characters with darker, more "serious" renditions. The word of choice was Gritty. Well, this must be the 1980's version of the New Gods, because it involves lots of death, deceit, and dastardly doings. It's basically Watchmen done with the Fourth World characters, but a whole lot stupider.
Certain characters go nuts and kill each other; other time-honored characters have been brutally murdered; ones who seemed to be genuine, 'good' characters are revealed to be insidious, evil beings. One guy, Mister Miracle, was transformed from an escape artist into some evil, obsidian, horrendous being of pure energy and revenge. The original was based on Joe Steranko; I wonder how he feels about this version.
I have to admit, it taints my reading of the originals. These are all funnybooks, and it's just silly when you get right down to it, but as I read through I can't help but feel strange with their 'modern memories' lurking behind my eyes.

Kirby is Still the King!

2008-03-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

Last night, I finished reading Mark Evanier's new biography of Jack Kirby, "Kirby: King of Comics." I got it from Amazon, and you can check out ordering info from their very own internet-based website. All in all, I really enjoyed this book. First and foremost, the artwork reproductions are phenomenal. It rivals the Masters of American Comics collection as far as quality reproductions goes, and in many ways surpasses that volume.
Page after page of Kirby artwork is included, in both published, original pencils, original inked pencils, and (in some rare cases) actual pre-penciling breakdowns. Say what you will about the man, Kirby's pencils were powerful. That's the oldest cliche in the book when it come to Jack, but there's a reason it became a cliche in the first place. Sorry, I can't figure out how to put that little accent mark on top of the "e" in "Cliche." It's also nice to see his work inked by so many different artists, both through the years and within the same era.
In a project which includes such great (and rare) Kirby artwork, it would be easy to just slap together a few explanatory paragraphs, or a bare-boned overview of his life and works. Thankfully, Evanier's text was indeed informative, but lacked a little of the depth I would expect from him. Mark Evanier was Jack Kirby's personal assistant during the late 1960s and early 1970s, and remained a close friend for the rest of Jack's life. As such, I would have expected the text to go into much greater detail, but that's more a flaw of my approach than the author's. Even still, it provided a great, comprehensive picture of the man's life and works. Strung together, it's amazing what a phenomenal run the guy had. Though I've always preferred the Fourth World stuff, even his final few series (for Pacific and the like) have their high points.
Those who are even marginally interested in Jack Kirby, or the history of comic books (they really are pretty much the same story; sorry for the second cliche) will find this a worthwhile read. Evanier has said that he's working on a much more extensive follow-up, which should satiate Kirbyphiles such as myself. It'll be a great companion, I'm sure.

RAMBO! RAMBO!

2008-02-28T19:14:00.000-08:00

I'll tell you something; I saw the new Rambo movie last night, and I couldn't be perkier about it. Who would ever have thought that a Rambo flick released in 2008 would be entertaining? I sure as shit wouldn't, but this one made an asshole out of all of us, I guess.
First of all, I could probably give less fucks about the old Rambo trilogy than I would a Knight Rider made for television remake. Come to think of it, that's not a bad idea. Anyway, the point is that I am not a Rambo fan by any stretch of the imagination, but something about this movie really struck a chord in me. It's kind of weird, getting so much pleasure out of something so utterly crappy. It wasn't even an ironic kind of pleasure, either. It really just had some eerie, calm, soothing manner to it.
Which is pretty fucking ridiculous, because it was also the most violent fucking film I have ever seen. I've seen some violent-ass shit, but this one has to take the cake. There were children blowing up and shit, and limbs being severed off left and right. At one point, I just shook my head and started thinking, "Is this some kind of joke? What the fuck is going on here?" The on-screen mayhem and bloodshed had to have set some kind of record.
Anyway, I got in to see it for free, so I am not sure if it's worth paying for. If you've got an hour and a half to kill, there are worse ways to spend your night.

Born Again Borne Again

2008-02-26T16:37:00.000-08:00

I've recently been re-reading (for about the third or fourth time) Frank Miller and David Mazzuchelli's mid-80's Daredevil run, "Born Again." I was a little hesitant to re-read it, since I had read it so many times in the past. I just really thought it would feel like 'Going through the motions,' and that the comic would have little impact any more.
Boy, was I wrong. I am surprised at how much more I pick up on this go-round. Usually, when people say they "Got more out of it" the second time they read or watch something, or that they "pick up so much more" (kinda like I just did), I just chalk it up to the person being stupid, or unable to grasp the subtleties of a particular work. If you're paying attention and you're halfway bright, you should "get" about 99% of the shit you intake. Most entertainment isn't exactly cryptic these days.
Anyway, Born Again is phenomenal. It's amazing how much Miller was able to 'get away with' in the mainstream comic of the politically charged 1980s. Turning the heroes ex-girlfriend into a heroin addicted, destitute porno star comes immediately to mind. Destroying Matt Murdock's life, and not even featuring Daredevil himself for several issues is another big 'coup.'
Miller really was at the top of his game. Within a few years, he had completed his insanely wonderful initial run on Daredevil, both the Dark Knight and Batman: Year One, and this endcap to the DD series. Too bad most of his output these days is utter crap.

The Gayrriors

2008-02-22T19:40:00.000-08:00

Man, I just tried to watch the early 80's flick "The Warriors," about rival gangs in New York City. I am left with one question: What the Hell were they thinking? This movie sucked ass. Sucked TOTAL ass, actually. I'll have to double-check on that, though.
Anyway, if you've never seen it, imagine the suckiest thing you've ever witnessed. Now imagine that with a group of asshole mimes with crowbars. Or baseball players dressed up like Kiss. Get the idea of how sucky this is sucking?
I suppose I can only point the finger at myself, actually. Can society be to blame for my own shortcoming? I knowingly and willingly ordered that movie from Netflix. In a sense, though not a legally binding one, I did welcome it into my home, under thefalse guise of friendship. Putting such a strong stamp upon a rented DVD might be seen as extreme, but realize I am in no position to cast judgment towards anyone.
Anyway, don't rent the Warriors. Go read Moby Dick instead. I ordered that movie from Netflix, too!

Moby Dick Rules!

2008-02-20T06:02:00.001-08:00

For some strange reason, someone gave me a gift certificate to Barnes and Noble as a present on the anniversary of Christ the Savior's birth. I guess they just had a hard time moving on. Anyway, I wasn't going to decline it, so I went out to the book store to buy up some shit.
First of all, Barnes and Noble pretty much sucks ass. We don't have one around here, so I went to the one near Philadelphia since I was driving by one day. I had a hard time finding anything to buy in that shithole, so I finally decided on Moby Dick by Herman Melville. I wonder if the expression "Moby Dick" was funny when that book first came out in 1851. It's sure funny now.
As for the book itself, that Ishmael is a real pisser. The dude is a total loser who goes out to sea when he hits rock bottom, and had to settle for the shittiest inn in New Bedford. There is a fucking hilarious exchange between Ishmael and the landlord, who wants Ish to share a bed with some strange man named "The Harpooner."
Ishmael understandably is concerned at this, but he goes nuts, neurotically fixating on the inevitable meeting. Finally the Harpooner arrives, but only after a few chapters of obsessive behavior that would have a first year psychiatry student tossing out his pipe.
I can't wait to finish this fucking book. I'm almost a hundred pages deep, and the sad fucker hasn't even hit the water yet. I can only imagine how crazy this shit is going to get.
Moby Dick Rules!

What's Been Going On

2008-01-31T16:34:00.000-08:00

Here is what I have been doing lately, in the realm of all that is nerdness. Most of my entertainment time has been devoted to re-reading John Milton's "Paradise Lost." It's a great book, and I am enjoying it even more the second time around. I want to finally finish reading "Paradise Regained," too. I started that one a long, long time ago and never finished it. It kind of sucks, though, because someone told me He dies at the end.
I saw a few decent flicks lately, too. No Country for Old Men was pretty cool, though it kind of crapped out at the end. To tell the truth, I wasn't paying 100% attention by that point, so I missed most of what Johnny Lee Oswald Copman (whatever the fuck his name is) said at the very end. I heard it must have been pretty cool, though.
I got an old Clash bootleg, demos from the "Combat Rock" album. It contains Mick Jones' original mixes, which got rejected. They are pretty cool, and have more of a Sandinista! vibe to them, but they're really not too, too different from the album version. A lot of people hate on Combat Rock, but I always liked it. Still, it's the shittiest Clash album ever (Cut the Crap does not count).

Steve Roper is the Fucking Man

2008-01-04T20:28:00.000-08:00

While shifting around a few books on my shelf the other day, I stumbled upon these little gems that I had read about a year ago or so. They're Blackthorne Publishing's 1980's reprintings of some mid-40's Steve Roper and Wahoo strips. At first they were a little off-putting, but after a few pages I really started to get the vibe, and it was non-stop enjoyment from that point on.
Saunders and Woggon, the creators, had a really great style going. The art is reminiscent of both Dick Tracy and, quite anachronistically, Charles Burns. There are thick, solid blacks flowing between curved lines; not necessarily the angular, jutting corners of Gould's work from the same era.
As for the story, it's pretty silly, really. As I said, I read these about a year or so ago, so I really don't remember them too well. There were some twists and turns, and the overall mood was more akin to Smilin' Jack than Terry and the Pirates. If I'm not mistaken, there might even have been a 'evil twin/lookalike' story; one which plagued comic strips from the Golden Era.

Best of 2007: Comic

2007-12-31T14:08:00.000-08:00

This is a tough one. I read a lot of comics. My gut is going with Peter Bagge's Apocalypse Nerd, and I think I need to stick with that. With this title, Pete took the angst, social-phobia and darkness that permeated Hate, and shoved it into a post-apocalyptic setting. The results were fantastic.
I can't remember exactly which issues came out in 2007, but I know for certain the final two did, at least. What a fucked issue that number five was... some really twisted shit went down. I don't want to ruin it for you, but basically Apocalypse Nerd was a pretty straightforward look at what life would really be like after a nuclear war. I don't mean in a scientifically-accurate type of way; this is pretty much about the mental breakdown of all of the characters when martial law kicks in after North Korea bombs the Pacific Northwest.
This six issue series is probably already out in trade paperback, but if not, try and track down the issues. It might be tough to do; I never see them around (but then again I don't hit up too many shops that would carry them in the first place).
Runnerup: Runoff. The final collection came out this year. Man, this was a great series. Towards the end it got a little too 'Hollywoody,' but I guess the recent news that it's going to be made into a movie by the guy that did Hellboy will do that to you. Still, it had some fantastic moments.

Best of 2007: Television

2007-12-31T09:45:00.001-08:00

This was another no-brainer. The previous summer, I purchased a video ipod and watched seasons one and two of Lost. I really hadn't watched any television shows of any sort for about ten years at least, other than the Simpsons and Futurama. It was probably way longer than that, actually. Anyway, I wanted to try out the new iPod, so I acquired digital copies of season one. It floored me, and I watched both seasons. As such, I was psyched for the debut of season three.
And man, they didn't let down. Well, they did a little bit, since that whole deal at the beginning with the Mexican standoff was dragged out a little thin. Other than that, though, this show kicked ass. There were a few duds in the mix (like the one where those two characters got buried alive), but even those were pretty great episodes. The overall storyline is so great, though, that anything that doesn't propel it along can be seen as tiresome.
And talk about cliffhangers! Shit on a shingle, if the last two minutes of that final episode didn't have me crapping in my pants. The best thing about it all was that I was entirely 'spoiler-free' throughout the whole series. I recommend avoiding commercials and gossip sites. What a great fucking show.

Best of 2007: Food

2007-12-31T07:28:00.000-08:00

This one was a no-brainer. I like to cook, and usually we make some pretty good meals at home, but there's one dish I just can't get enough of. It's kimchee, and since my beloved Hanabi closed its doors a few years ago, I have been woefully low in the kimtake department. There's a Korean place in Pleasantville that serves up kimchee jigae, but it's not really all that great.
Thankfully, there is a place to get a great dish of kimchee in the area. It's Noodles of the World (or, as it's more commonly know as, "NOW") and it's located inside the Borgata casino right in Atlantic City. The Borgata recently added an entire new 'wing' of restaurants, most of which are a little too fancy for you and me. Not so with NOW. It's basically a little row of tables and two counters, and the food is great. It's also not too expensive, which is nice for a casino restaurant in AC.
The only bad thing about the kimchee is that it's only an appetizer. The dish is relatively large for a pre-meal treat, but I wish they would have a larger, meal-sized variety.
Someone who works with my wife gave us a package of kimchee seasoning, which makes about 10 pounds of the stuff. I haven't mustered up the energy to make it yet, but I think I may have to. That shit is just outta site.

RUNNER UP: The Asahi Roll at Ginza II

Best of 2007: Album

2007-12-30T17:38:00.000-08:00

For the foreseeable future, I'm going to devote a few posts to my own personal "Best Of" list for the year 2007. I'll be spotlighting different categories, and writing about the best entry of the previous year for each. This is a novel, exciting concept which I think might catch on with some others. To my knowledge, no one has as yet undergone such a task.
The obligatory "Best Album" goes to They Might Be Giants' "The Else," which came out last spring. I have been a huge TMBG fan for many, many years, but was very disappointed with their previous release, "The Spine." Quite frankly, it sucked. As such, I was a little hesitant when this latest disc came out, but after the initial spin all worries went out the window. This is prime TMBG, and it's their best album since 1994's "John Henry."
Only now do I realize how retarded it is to write about this disc. I'm reminded of Theolonious Monk's famous quote, "Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." Well, I won't be dancing to the Louvre any time soon, but I may as well churn out a few more sentences about this collection of songs.
One thing that struck me regarding the Else was how Linnell-heavy it is. On most Giants albums, the two Johns pretty much trade songs back and forth. Off the top of my head I don't remember how many songs feature John Linnell on lead vocals this go-round, but I know I counted a few months ago, and it seemed like he did way more than half. I've always enjoyed his stuff more than Flansburgh's, but Flansy is no slouch in the writing department, either. I will definitely be sad when these guys finally break up the band.
Another interesting aspect of this disc is that it was released on iTunes a few months before the physical copy hit stores. I didn't buy it from Apple, and I'm certainly glad I chose to wait. (Technically I didn't really wait, since I downloaded it elsewhere prior to its official release). The initial pressing of the album came with a bonus disc of songs culled from the TMBG podcast, a total of 21 more tracks that are, while not as tight as the album itself, a worthy companion and well worth the price of admission. This was a much better way to treat the fans than the aforementioned Spine, which clocked in at just over a half hour, and was accompanied by a download-only EP that cost an extra ten bucks or so. Fuck the Spine, but long live the Else!

Outland

2007-12-29T14:51:00.000-08:00

Long before Berke Breathed produce the shit-streaked comic, "Outland," Sean Connery produced a shit-fueled motion picture called "Outland." I am not a huge Connery fan, though I have enjoyed a few of his flicks. On a whim, I decided to get this vintage sci-fi flick from Netflix. I thought it might be on a par with Bladerunner, one of the greatest movies ever, but it was more like Shitrunner, a fictional movie that was never produced but does conjure up imagery of a horrible disaster.
To be honest, I didn't make it through the entire film. Most everyone I know knows that I have a tough time staying awake through movies, unless I'm actually watching them at the theater. If it's at home, I usually fall asleep. Starting this one late at night probably didn't help. Writing some boring-ass script most likely didn't help much, either. I would say this movie's fans can be filed under two categories: 1. People who loved it when it came out twenty five years ago and have since gone retarded. 2. Retards.
Don't rent Outland.

BBCTV

2007-12-28T17:41:00.000-08:00

In the past few years, it seems like there's been a resurgence of great programming from the BBC. I have always been a fan of shows like Monty Python, Red Dwarf, Black Adder and the like, but a new crop of 'edgy' shows seem to have sprung up, almost overnight. Well, 'overnight' might be stretching it a little bit, unless it's one of those three-month long "nights," like in that creepy town where the vampires live. Even that would be used only with extremely liberal licensing.
The point is, there's a lot of great television shows coming from the UK these days. My favorite is probably Peep Show, which stars two extremely socially inept roommates and their cadre of equally disturbed 'friends.' The entire show (with very, very few exceptions) is filmed in first person perspective, which means you only see what one of the characters is seeing. Once in a blue moon there's an establishing shot from outside a building, but that's the exception rather than the rule. The other neat trick is that the show is comprised of an endless stream of inner dialogue, presented as a series of voice-overs. The characters innermost thoughts are constantly on display, and they are always extremely fucked up. I can't recommend this show highly enough; I think at least one season is out on DVD in the USA. All four seasons are currently available on bittorrent sites.
Another brand new show I've been enjoying is Angelo's. It just finished up its first six-episode season a few weeks ago, though I have yet to see the finale. It's a more 'traditional' britcom, in that it centers around a common meeting place filled with zany characters. In this case, it's Angelo's cafe, or (as he calls it) the "Caf." Though it bares strong resemblance to the older shows, it maintains that dark, fucked up quality that permeates many modern programs. There's a guy in it who dresses like C3-PO and stands in the town square all day, for starters. It really is a great show, and I hope it comes back for more. The guy who plays Angelo had a bit part in the recent Extras Christmas Special, as the landlord who tried to rent out a real shithole to Ricky Gervais' ugly friend.

Basil Wolverton, Naked!

2007-12-27T13:02:00.000-08:00

For Christmas, my wife hooked me up with a classy Basil Wolverton art-book. It basically traces his career from the earliest stuff he published, back in the 30s or 40s, up through his 'peak' years of the 50s and 60s. I haven't really had a chance to read much of it yet, other than the few pages I flipped across on Christmas Day. I was really excited to get it, and seeing his stuff collected like that was a real treat. I had never even heard of this book, and really only know Wolverton's work from the different reprints, and one collection from the 80s.
Having said that, I am not a huge Woverton fan. I mean, I really enjoy his work and appreciate it much more than the average comic fan probably does, but he never really reached that "upper tier" with me. I think the fact that, at least in my mind, he's primarily known for spot-illustrations (as opposed to sequential stories) somehow lessons his value to me. His pictures of grotesque humans really are great, though.
Glancing through the book a second time (it's called "The Original Art of Basil Wolverton), I notice there is quite a bit of sequential stuff, but most are six panel gag strips or the like. Some of the full-page illustrations are completely surreal, and are far more reminiscent of Dali or Picasso than Kirby and Lee. Wolverton seems to have much more in common with the underground movement of the sixties than Kurtzman, but Harvey always seems to get all the credit. I recommend getting this book. I even more strongly having your wife get it for you. It's available right from the publisher, Last Gasp.

MW by OT

2007-12-21T17:23:00.000-08:00

MW is a long-form work by Osamu Tezuka, the Godfather of Manga. In simple terms, he was the creator of Astro Boy, Kimba the Lion ("Jungle Emperor," I think it was called) and several thousand pages of manga throughout his lifetime. I've always thought of him as a Japanese combination of Jack Kirby and Will Eisner. Anyway, the guy was very influential and did a million different styles, themes, and approaches throughout his life. This book, titled simply "MW," was (according to the blurb) "Tezuka's darkest work."
I can see that being the case, because it is pretty fucked up. It's tough to really summarize the plot, but let's just say it deals with a really fucked-up relationship, a super-psychotic guy, and lots of insane plot angles. I'm not saying it's the greatest work of the comics medium, but it was exactly what I wanted from a Tezuka book. I hope there's more like this coming.
A few of Tezuka's other more adult-themed (that doesn't only mean it shows people bonin') titles have come out recently. One was Ode to Kirihito, which was about a doctor facing a bizarre disease that turns humans into animal-human hybrids. It wasn't an action book at all; it was just bizarre 70s manga. Apollo's Song, yet another recent translation, was also a little too stream of conscious for my tastes. MW stuck very tightly to the plot, and seemed much more planned out (and better paced) than the other two books.
The website is http://www.vertical-inc.com/. You can order all of these books there, as well as Buddha. See the Comic Book Haters episode for our review on that one. I picked up ME at the local Borders, so it shouldn't be too tough to find. They're all worth reading.

We's for Me

2007-12-12T06:32:00.000-08:00

It just now struck my mind, but the novel I'm currently reading shares its name (at least, a homonym of) with the country's hottest-selling holiday item. The book is called We, by Soviet author Yevgeny Zamyatin. Written in the early 1920s, it was the main inspiration (at least from a literary point of view) for Orwell's 1984.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm pretty obsessed with 1984, so naturally I was interested in checking out this precursor. In fact, I am a big 'fan' of Dystopian futures in general, (especially those visions from the past) and Alan Moore's recent League of Extraordinary Gentlemen's release, "The Black Dossier," has rekindled my interest.
There certainly are a lot of similarities between We and 1984. An overtly-regimented society; a lone male trying to deal with his socially unacceptable rebellions; a female 'operative' who leads him towards temptation; ultimate punishment for what basically amounts to 'thought crime.'
In many ways, We is a much more 'desirable' dystopia, though they all pretty much suck when you get down and think about it. The people live in glass houses (literally), and a massive clock controls what every citizen does at every minute of the day. They're given a 'personal hour' at the end of the day, but even that is a little shady. On the plus side, they get these little pink tickets , which can be 'cashed in' to nail a chick whenever they want.
The main difference is that Orwell's vision is so very, very bleak. There doesn't seem to be much pollution, destruction, or other ecological disasters in OneState, the Zamyatin city-state. In fact, OneState exists in a sort of dome, with a continuous jungle existing everywhere else on the planet (except for several other city-states, which seem to have little interaction with OneState, at least so far in the novel).
The overall tone of the original is much lighter, and actually reminds me more of Huxley's Brave New World. I guess living through World War II in Europe certainly had a much bigger impact on Orwell's darker voice.

The Straight Take on Kerry Drake

2007-12-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

Well, one of the advantages of being an early-to-mid 20th century comic strip enthusiast is that one is constantly discovering new series to peruse. Pardon me, as I take a sip of British tea and extend my pinky-finger into the air.
One such recent discovery for me is Kerry Drake, by Alfred Andriola. I recently purchased the first two volumes of this reprint series, which picks up mid-storyline from the late 1940s. At first, it seemed like a pedestrian Dick Tracy with less-polished artwork. The first few pages were a drag, but eventually I started to really get into it.
The key is focusing on the dialogue, which manages to out-Spillane Spillane. The lead character, Kerry Drake, is a hard-boiled detective who knows how to get dirty, and everyone speaks like a grizzled hipster. One plot centered around a cocaine smuggling operation down in the Keys, which is followed by an intricate crime web orchestrated by a popular radio DJ.
Apart from this edition from SPEC Productions, I have never seen Kerry Drake reprinted anywhere. Unlike Joe Palooka, this is a series well worth investigating. Fuck Ham Fisher.

Slide Over, Zombies: Skeletons are Coming!

2007-11-27T16:57:00.000-08:00

Lots of people fear zombies, and they've really developed quite the 'chic' persona in certain hipster circles. The slow-walking, steadfast gait of a mindless drone has garnered up all sorts of symbolic meaning in our modern culture. As far as a frightening beast, however, the zombie must finally pass off its crown of terror to a stalwart young contender: the skeleton.
Much of the zombies' allure comes from its mystique. Bits of flesh, chunked up across the face, reveal faint glimpses of the life which once inhabited this hollow shell. The burnt embers of a life somehow make the zombie out to be somewhat of a tragic figure; a being who never asked to parlay this grotesque lot in life. Not so with the skeleton.
This is not to imply that the skeleton sought out its position. Nothing could be further than the truth (except in one remarkable instance), but the fact remains that absolutely no glimmer of life exists within those brittle, dry bones. The skeleton is, quite literally, a cold, heartless being who perennially sports the creepiest grimace of mankind's history. Also, skeletons quite often employ the use of swords (more specifically, scimitars), giving them an added bonus during melee rounds.
The purpose of these words is not to condemn the zombie, nor to strip it of its hallowed status amongst true nerds and socially bereft individuals. Rather, it is to promote awareness of the creepiness which lay inherently deep within each skeleton. At the very least, I hope to stimulate debate in the academic world upon this very subject.

Dick Tracy Could Kick His Fucking Ass

2007-11-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

I am reading a collection of "Jim Hardy" strips, which originally ran in the 1930s. They were created by Dick Moores, which is really a hell of a moniker to get stuck with. Just try typing that one into Google images.
Moores was an assistant of Chester Gould during the 1930s, before launching his solo career. He also did the lettering, which is as great here as it is on the Dick Tracy dailies. Before reading this collection, I assumed it would be a lamer version of Dick Tracy, but that didn't turn out to be the case.
I'm not trying to imply that it was actually good, because it's really just serviceable. The artwork is very similar to Gould's, but much more cartoony. The first major storyline was really slow-paced, and basically involved the entire citizenry of a small town getting duped by some slick out-of-towner. Don't worry; Hardy scopes him out. There's really not much crime, which (for some reason) I was led to believe was the case. The genre switch didn't really phase me, but it was a little too melodramatic for my tastes. And I love Gasoline Alley.
Still and all, it's a decent comic. Compared to Gould, Caniff, Crane, or Moseley (yeah, I said it), it simply pales. Good read for the shitbox, though. After all that, I liked it much better than Joe Palooka. Way better, in fact. I believe you can get it from this publisher.

Don't Buy Watchmen!!

2007-11-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

I remember reading, a long time ago, that one of the reasons Alan Moore hates DC Comics is because of their treatment towards him during the initial publication of Watchmen. At the time, Moore had worked for DC on Saga of the Swamp Thing, some mainstream super-hero stuff, and a few odd fill-ins here and there. He knew how the game was played, I would assume. For Watchmen, he must have had a different game plan in mind.
Basically, DC put a clause into the contract that said, "When Watchmen goes out of print, the copyright reverts back to Alan Moore" (and maybe Dave Gibbons, too). Some might say that no one could have predicted how long Watchmen would remain "in print," but it's also unclear what exactly would constitute "out of print," as well. Anyway, to Moore's (presumably) sedated mind, it sounded like a fair enough shake.
Flash forward to 20 years, and Watchmen is probably the most massively-distributed Western comic of all time. Unless you count that first issue of McFarlane's "Spider-Man." It seems like everyone bought that thing. Anyway, the point is, if no one buys Watchmen, the rights will be reverted back to the creators. Simple enough, right? So don't buy Watchmen. And tell everyone you know not to buy Watchmen, either. Maybe the chain reaction will undo a creative injustice. Plus, you can always get Watchmen from the library, a friend's house, or even through an online torrent site. If you're really desperate, email me and I'll help you find a copy. Just don't buy it.

Put Your Head Inside the Puppet Hand

2007-11-13T14:00:00.000-08:00

Marvel Comics recently announced that they will sell "subscriptions" to their back-catalog online. The basic gist is that you pay ten bucks per month, or a discounted $60 per year, and you can read a bunch of their old comic books (from the Silver age up to six months ago) online from their server.
The nerdroar seems to be split on this issue. I have read some people complaining that you cannot download the comics; only read them from the site. In fact, I've read a bunch of people bitching about a bunch of stuff. What I have not read is how royalties will be dispersed for the artists and writers.
I am not sure if the creators are being compensated at all. If they are completely bypassing the creators, they sure as fuck picked a horrible time to launch this. All of Hollywood is in an uproar over pretty much the same issue. The current Writers Guild of America strike is about royalties towards online distribution of their materials (along with DVD and other product royalties). Is Marvel pretty much doing the same thing with their comics now?
A few months ago on the Comic Book Haters podcast, we discussed the relevance of torrented distribution of comic books. I was pretty vocal in support of them, and my main argument was that old comics should be up for grabs to anyone that wants to read them. Mind you, I said 'read.' Not 'own.' I look at online distribution like a library. I know a lot of people would disagree with this statement, but that's just how I feel.
I feel differently about Marvel. They're charging people, and making money off of it. Are the creators? If you can point me towards some proof that they are, I would rest easier. Lots of people will be using this service instead of buying trade paperbacks and collections.
Joe Quesada made a statement to the effect of this being the "Legal" way to obtain these comics, taking a not-too-subtle jab at torrented comics. I noticed he didn't say 'ethical.' Just 'legal.'

Gasoline Alley

2007-11-02T20:01:00.000-07:00

Well, I can't help it. I am really enjoying the most recent collection of "Gasoline Alley," titled "Walt and Skeezix" for copyright issues. 'Most Recent' is a pretty subjective term, since the strips contained within were first printed in 1925. The storyline revolves around Walt's impending marriage to Ms. Blossom, and the cold-hearted Mme. Octave's never-ending attempts to snatch Skeezix away for good.
These are some slow paced strips. I mean really, really slow paced. One strip was just a close-up of Skeezix's head repeated (more or less) over the four panels. It was like some Warhol painting, but it had some kind of narration going across the top of it. I don't remember exactly what it said, but I seem to believe it was a third-person voiceover that was commenting on something Skeezix may have been thinking, though we'll never know.
Other strips basically revolve around that fat fucking manchild, Walt, walking down the road, or pretty much just lousing about and talking to himself. Though this might sound derogatory, I really do enjoy this strip, and the pacing is actually it's main appeal. Although not much happens, these characters' entire lives continue to march on. Skeezix (who was found on Walt's doorstep as an infant) continues to grow day by day. When a year passes, he is a year older. It's interesting to read nowadays, but I'm sure the effect was much different if it was seen to unfold day by day, rather than digesting two years' worth over a few weeks.

Fuckin' Will Eisner...

2007-10-12T18:31:00.000-07:00

Harlots, Sluts and Tramps

2007-10-10T17:42:00.000-07:00

Can you believe what's passing for passion these days? Not nary a damn thing, that's what! These trumped-up sluts and dime-store harlots can barely keep up with the hussies these days. Back in my day, a woman knew how to turn the dial up to seven, and if you married her, eight!

Nowatimes, it seems like these whoeweres can't wait to start parading their nipples around like so much lambkbop at an all-night shmuewzka. Why, just the other night we were looking at the tv and what came on but another one of these teenage pregwhores. She was jumping up and down, causing poor Harold quite a fright (though he must have recovered by bedtime, because he seemed a bit frisky).

The girls in my women's group all agree that we should start another letter-writing campaign. It's a 100% perfectly successful tactic; we were this close to getting Deuteronomy V removed from the bibles down at the Stop and Sleep over on Berchin Boulevard.

At the heart of all this is that, in the hands of a true femme fatale, a knowing glance or a sly smirk was more powerful than a thousand privates on parade. Look no further than a young Angela Lansbury, or the spry strut of a youthful Bea Arthur. Now, those were women!

Fucking Hell

2007-09-28T19:22:00.000-07:00

I spend a lot of my "spare money" on funnybooks and related items, but even I get royally pissed at the prospect of wasting money on something irrelevant. Now, many people would consider dropping ten bucks on a stretched-out interview with Alan Moore one of the aforementioned 'irrelevant somethings,' but not me. What I do consider bullshit is paying ten bucks for the same fucking Alan Moore interview twice.

I love Alan Moore. It would be ridiculous to point out at this stage that I mean this in a platonic, admiring way, rather than a sexually charged one. Make of it what you will; we all have artists whom we admire. I really dig Moore's work; I mean really, really dig it. I've read his works dozens and dozens of times over, and scrape up any interviews, text-pieces, or the like concerning him. Needless to say, I didn't bat too much of an eye when I ordered "Alan Moore Spells it Out" last year from Airwave Publishing.

The book is just under 80 pages, and contains an interview that might just as easily have fit nicely between the covers of an old Comics Journal or the like. It certainly wasn't bad, but as I said, it's pretty much a straight-up interview with Moore, formatted as a 'question and answer,' rather than prose. The dude who did the interview, Bill Baker, basically just typed out the questions he asked and Alan's responses, verbatim. It didn't exactly take too much effort, I'm sure. Which isn't to say I didn't enjoy the book; my point is, it's not a classic by any stretch.

So I felt a little burned at dropping a ten spot on it, but overall I was pretty pleased with the content. It was an interview of substantial length, and they covered some pretty cool ground. Again, it wasn't earth-shattering, but it was pretty decent. When I ordered "Alan Moore on His Work and Career" about a year later, memories of the previous tome flittered through my mind. I didn't want to waste more money on a glorified Wizard piece.

Imagine my utter disgust earlier this evening, as my shipment of funnybooks arrived, and I cracked open the cover of this latest inter-biography (tm), only to find it is the exact same interview.

College textbook manufacturers make big money off of 'revised editions,' since every school pretty much has to dump the old ones and order up the new version. The thing is, they have a certain percentage of content which has to be changed in order for it to qualify as a 'revised edition,' or so I was once told by a learned man. The thing is, the cover itself counts for the majority of that 'percentage,' so all they really have to do is slap a new cover on it and change the page numbers. I expect that kind of behavior from the piss-stained halls of Upper Academia, but not from the ever-lovin' funnybook realm.

I cracked that goddamn book open right away, and shut the pages in disgust within a minute or two. Hey, it took me that long to realize. Glancing at the indicia, I noticed it said "Large portions of this book were previously published as Alan Moore Spells It Out." Large portions? Try the whole fucking thing! They tacked on some bullshit at the end, like an 'Awards List' and an expanded (but pathetically far from complete) bibliography of Moore's work.

The real kicker is that they also added a glossary. A fucking glossary! Can you believe it? Thankfully it was two pages long, giving them ample space to explain what such mind-boggling concepts as "Synopsis," "Almanac," and "Epiphany" mean. Thank heavens; I'd have been lost without it.

Even more baffling is that, after an eighty-eight page (they made the font bigger) interview in which Moore discusses his entire career, pretty much from start to finish, the powers-that-be decided to slap on an "About the interviewee" blurb. Again, this is fucking retarded. This isn't on the back cover; oh, no. It's tucked within, beefing up that oh-so precious page count. What a bunch of happy horse shit. Who the fuck would need to read a one-paragraph "About the Interviewee" after they've read almost one hundred pages worth of his own words? That's like giving "Hello, My Name Is" stickers to everyone as they exit a conference room.

Now that I sound like a crotchety old spendthrift, allow me to backpedal a bit. I am assuming the initial volume is out of print, and has been usurped into this "Talking with Graphic Novelists" series' banner. That's all well and good, and if you enjoy Moore's work I actually reccommend seeking out this book. Just don't get it if you already have "Alan Moore Spells it Out." I just wish they would have warned a brother.

Jack Kirby Would Be Shitting in his Pants

2007-09-25T19:16:00.001-07:00

Have you been reading DC's latest weekly extravaganza, Countdown? Probably not, because not many people follow comic books at all, let alone weekly ones. Last year, DC started it all off with 52, a boiling batch of bearpus that didn't make much sense to me. Granted, some people loved it, and I didn't really pay too much attention, but it just didn't make any sense.

Well, DC's follow up, Countdown, has been sliding down a slippery shitslope for the past twenty weeks. At first I really hated it, and found it just as boring as 52. The past month or two, however, has kept me riveted to my seat. It's all centered around Kirby's Fourth World saga, which has been a personal favorite of mine for a long time.

It seems like they're finally building towards the inevitable (though perennially postponed) climax, which has long been an underlying plot point. The New Gods are being killed off, though so far the only ones that have a second shitstringers, except for Lightray. He was always basically a pussy, though.

Another one to bite the dust is Sleez, who I believe was first featured in an old John Byrne issue of Action comics. Superman and Wonder Woman had amnesia, and Sleez was filming them in a porno. I shit thee not. Has he ever even appeared in anything else? I doubt it. Then again, probably somewhere.

There's also a subplot about some crazy-ass freaks who are searching for Ray Palmer, the Atom. He's shrunk into some unknown universe, and they're heading towards him. I don't even remember why they want to find him, but I think it's bad news.

Finally, Jimmy Olsen is the secret to the Anti-Life Equation. That's fucking great! He's been exhibiting all these crazy-ass powers, and some two-timing doctor ran some 'equation' on him. The doctor was working for Darkseid, who first appeared in Kirby's Jimmy Olsen run. It all comes full circle.. Jimmy Olsen Must Die!

This is one of the shittiest comics out there, but also one of the best. Dini helped define what LOST is all about, and he brings those skills to the table for this series. It's total shit, but totally shitterific!

Funnystrip Update

2007-09-20T19:05:00.000-07:00

Well, in addition to coining a new term (Funnystrip, ie, a comic strip which predates 1960), this installment contains several KEY PLOT ELEMENTS in the various funnystrip collections I'm currently reading.

First, as always, is Smilin' Jack. In this collection (#3 or 4, I forget which), Zack is starting up a new airline school whilst going undercover to foil the supposed criminal exploits of "Mummy," a rough and tough World War I pilot. The thing is, Jack is totally nutso about Mummy's daughter, and grapples with the dilemma he's in: can he rat out on the father of the girl he loves? He doesn't seem to be too bothered about it once he's done it, though. Also, Fat Stuff continues to fuck up at school.

Over in Mary Perkins (volume 2), Mary has recently escaped the clutches of Samson Anthony's (again, not sure if that's the character's actual name) wrench-fisted contract. A serious of creepy events transpired, leading Ms. Perkins to believe she is nothing more than a pawn; a paper doll of sorts. Now she's shacking up with some sensitive type, I think. I forget what happened last, but that Mary sure is a filthy slut.

Terry and the Pirates (volume 1, NBM) continues to be stellar. The truth is, I haven't read much of it in the last week. So I guess, technically, it's at kind of a slow point. It's still great, though.

Many among us will ridicule the preceding declarations. You, who stand so proudly above all others, will tell yourself that your critical assessment, or complete disregard thereof, is of a superior nature. You, and you alone, are deemed worthy to decide upon all which is good on this earth.

Think again, Oh Noblest One, think again.

Terry and the Pirates

2007-09-16T15:31:00.000-07:00

I've recently been reading the new Terry and the Pirates collection by Milton Caniff, which came out from IDW about a month ago. I have to say, I've been enjoying the Hell out of it, which is pretty hard to do. At first I was hesitant, because although I've read the first year or so of the strip and enjoyed it, I really didn't think it started getting really good until around 1940.

I'm happy to report that, pretty much right from the start, it's spectacular. I'm about a year or two into it, but I skipped over all of the Sundays that weren't running the same storyline as the dailies. Thankfully, they printed these consecutively in the beginning, so they were easy to skip right over, and will be easy to go back and read later. The storyline with the two main characters stranded on an island was one of the best 1930's storylines I've read in a long time. The art reminded me of Krigstein and Johnny Craig, both of whom I believe were big fans of Caniff.

One thing I noticed is how often the leading men of vintage strips were asked to go undercover to expose some form of criminal activity. The catch is, they're always impersonating some crazy criminal who happens to look exactly like them.

In this collection, Pat Ryan tries to break a ruthless gang of crooks, one of whom he looked exactly like. I'm just at that particular part in the book right now, so I don't know how it will end. Smilin' Jack looked just like a certain criminal too, and tried to spoil the Head's plans by going undercover. I think Dick Tracy might have done something similar, though Gould seemed a little too classy to rely on such a hackneyed concept.

Li'l Abner had his own criminal lookalike, too, as did Mammy and Pappy Yokum. Come to think of it, just about everyone in Dogpatch had a twin of some sort or the other. There must have been something in the water back then.

My Enthusiasm Has Been Curbed

2007-09-14T02:27:00.001-07:00

I watched the season premiere of HBO's "Curb Your Enthusiasm" the other night. I didn't like it. I may be a professional Hater by choice, but I don't think I'm alone when I say this show has jumped the shark.

I love CYE; it's one of my favorite shows. At times, it has made me laugh so hard I nearly pissed myself. Note that I said 'nearly,' asshole. I don't want any weird rumors about me starting up. Anyway, I wasn't really surprised, because the last season pretty much sucked, too. I don't know why I continue to watch it if I don't really enjoy it much anymore, but I keep coming back. I guess it's like calling a friend up that you don't really have much in common with anymore. There's not much point in doing it, but force of habit rules out in the end.

At least it was better than "Fonejacker," some completely horrible BBC show I recently watched. God, that was awful. I'd rather watch video of Larry David taking a shit than sit through that again. Imagine if Ali G decided to re-make Crank Yankers in his image, and also he has to stop being funny.

Fuck Jules Verne

2007-09-12T13:23:00.000-07:00

A buddy of mine used to have a big beef with Jules Verne. Yeah, the old French writer, Jules Verne. He read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, which was a great book, and loved it. Then he read some others, and when he got around to reading The Mysterious Island, he was pretty well-versed in Verne. Needless to say, he was excited at the prospect of a sequel to Leagues, since the original was so good. What he got was, in his words, "A steaming pile of Verne-shit. Fuck him!"

At the time, I, also, had read a lot of Verne. And a bunch of H.G. Wells, too. Overall, I would say that I like Wells' best better than Verne's best, but Wells had some pretty boring shit, whereas Verne always maintained a certain degree of suspenseful action; at least enough to carry the show to the end. His books might have been kind of lame at times, but they always had at least one great concept.

Anyway, when my buddy read the Mysterious Island, he became royally pissed. He said the majority of it was based on some strange dude lurking around, or some such shit. I never actually read that particular book. The point is, it really wasn't much of a sequel, and I guess he was so angry because he'd been sold a false bill of goods.

I recently finished Verne's Around the World in 80 Days, and I, too, feel I was played the victim. For decades, what one mode of transportation springs to mind when you think of that book? I'll give you a second....

It's the fucking air balloon. Everyone associates the air balloon with that book. And guess what? There's not one fucking air balloon in that goddamn book! He only mentions it in one sentence near the end, and he's pretty much dissing it as far as a form of transportation goes.

Now, I know, once again, this isn't really Verne's fault per se, but fuck him anyway. He was probably a dick to someone, at some point of his life. And anyway, what's he going to do about it?

The Jungle

2007-09-11T17:23:00.000-07:00

The other day I started reading "The Jungle" by Upton Sinclair. I can't get over that name; "Upton." What a sissy name it is. I bet that dude got the shit beat out of him on a regular basis. I can't even imagine why someone would name their child that. And that last name... "Sinclair." No offense to anyone living today, but even that surname just screams "Pussy." And not in the "Check me out, I get tons of Pussy" vein; more in the "Christ, I am such a pussy" category. My grandfather always said "Don't speak ill of the dead, you ingrate," but I bet even if he were a vengeful ghost, I could still beat the living (or undead) crap out of Upton Sinclair. Plus, Grandpa used to touch cousin Shana in her flowerbox. I saw him do it once.

As for the book, it's a wacky story about the hijinx and shenanigans that went on in the meat packing industry at the turn of the previous century. My friend Schooly G would probably make a real lame joke about the phrase 'Meat packing industry' at this point, but thankfully I'm way above that. Though I might add as a side note that your mother and I once started our own meat packing industry, but we had to call it quits once her rectum prolapsed. You know what I'm talking about!

King of Kong

2007-09-09T11:10:00.000-07:00

Last night I watched "King of Kong," the documentary about the guys who hold the world record on all those classic arcade games. It centered around the game "Donkey Kong" in particular. In a nutshell, some guy in the midwest (or so) got really, really good at Donkey Kong, and wanted to be recognized as the world-record holder.

It was a pretty understandable request, since he blew the other score away. But the thing is, the guy with the original score turned out to be really tight with the referees (they were all from the old days), and he doesn't like the thought of someone beating his score. I think his name was Billy Mitchell; look him up if you're interested.

It's a totally fucked up story. In truth, the movie tends to play Mitchell as a villain, but taken at face value some of the stuff he does in it are truly reprehensible. I'd like to hear his side of the story, but I don't feel like looking it up.

Regardless, it was a great movie. Just under an hour and a half, which is pretty much my cutoff for any flick. It was fascinating, in the same way that the sex-doll documentary was, but nowhere near as creepy. That shit was just totally fucked.

Introduction: The Rugged He-Men of Years Past

2007-09-08T00:02:00.000-07:00

Hey Folks! DJ Sloofus here. I've been asked by the braintrust over at CBH headquarters to start my very own blog. Since I really don't have too much to say, I've decided to create a ridiculous concept, and loosely thread it together over the course of the next few weeks. It's basically a contest between comic strip characters, all of whom are forced to compete against one another. Can you believe it? This is a truly unique, original idea which I got while watching American Idol. Isn't it great?

For the first series in this new, official Comic Book Haters' spin-off blog, we begin with a contest torn from the pages of yesteryear. Quite literally, as we present a series of pairings between the toughest ironjaws to grace the pages of American newspapers during the World War II era. Though they've been grouped randomly, the pairings are ultimately leading towards one inevitable 'winner' of sorts. The true winners, of course, are those who are able to click away from this nonsense right now.

Any true discussion of the rugged ‘He-Men’ of the comics page, circa 1935-1950, will undoubtedly center on five men: Captain Easy, Smilin’ Jack, Pat Ryan, Steve Roper, and Steve Canyon. On a slow day, you could throw Popeye into the mix, but his cartoony style pretty much excludes him from the others' more‘serious’ overtones (on the surface, at least). Dick Tracy’s employment by the department of law enforcement prohibits him from being part of this speculation. He would most definitely disapprove of every aspect.
Toon in next time, dear reader, as we present the first of our fictional faceoffs. In the meantime, why not check out one of our many sponsors?